Cop$ and my ca$h

8/9/10, was just like any normal day, meetings, stuck in traffic, and rain. 8th September also marked my 5th business-’transaction’ with the Indonesian police. Ever since

arriving here in Jakarta almost a year ago, I’ve had my fair share of running right into the arms of the Men-in-Brown aka Pak Polisi (Mr. Policeman)

Encounter 1

Just a month after I got my freshly laminated Indonesian driver’s licence (which by the way, had a terrible mug-shot), I drove into Jakarta city, only to run into my first encounter of ‘Car-Free-day’,happens every last Sunday of the month.  Traffic was diverted to other slip roads as the main roads were closed to make way for cyclists and joggers. A convenience for a hundred but a blardy inconvenience for thousands of motorists.

Being diverted off the main road, I was then stopped by a traffic cop from ever-smiling Indonesian police force. As I wound down my window, he saluted me and told me that I was on the wrong lane, hence obstructing traffic.

TOTAL ON-THE-SPOT-FINE = RP30,000

Witnesses in car: Father-in-law, Mother-in-law, bro, sis-in-law, and now Fired-maid

He even saluted me again after I paid the ‘fine’ and gave me directions to reach my intended destination.

Encounter 2

The company driver of many years absconded with our company funds, equivalent to 2+ years of his salary.

Why in the world did we trust him with that amount of money? (that’s another story altogether)

To cut the long story short:

• Driver was found the next day
• Claimed he was hypnotized
• Went to police station
• Escaped from police station, (if innocent, why did he run??) (NEXT QUESTION: How does one escape  so easily from a police station?)
• Wife claims he never came home after that

Police refused to take our report unless we emptied our wallets (usually 20% ‘Service Charge’ to process the report and a further 10% ‘Service Charge’ if they recover the money).. geeeez, apparently a similar percentage applies to lost/ stolen cars too… knowing that we definitely need a police report to file the insurance claim.

TOTAL ON-THE-SPOT-FINE = N/A

Witnesses:  everyone in the office

Who ever thought one could rake in so much on a desk job?

Encounter 3

I was already taking a risk driving a car with expired plates, but nevertheless, was stopped once again for making an illegal turn. The friendly Pak Polisi escorted me to the nearby traffic control booth, where his superiors were playing cards and smoking cigars. They warned me that it was a serious offence, yadda yadda yadda and hope I did not commit the mistake again.

TOTAL ON-THE-SPOT-FINE = RP100,000

Witnesses in car: Mom, Dad, Wife and Daughter

A big jump from my first encounter, but thankfully he didn’t notice my expired plates, otherwise….

Encounter 4

I was still driving around with expired plates…. what to do? I never learn…..A Pak Polisi with 20/20 eye sight spotted my offence and pulled me over… Told me that it was illegal, yadda yadda yadda…

Even with a screaming baby at the back, he still refused to let me go and initially told me that if I paid him RP700,000, he could radio his other colleagues to clear the way and not pull me over again.

Fee was drastically reduced but still refused to accept the normal market rate (He wanted to charge ‘Expat rates)

TOTAL ON-THE-SPOT-FINE = RP300,000

Witnesses in car: Mom

The ‘ fine” tripled from my last encounter and was 10x from my first encounter.

Encounter 5

Headed home after a long and wet day (weather-wise; not my pants). Had to cut into the right lane to make a U-turn, the car behind me already slowed down. So as I made my way in, the car behind me accelerated and crashed into me. More than half my car was already in the lane and yet he still accelerated.

Of all my luck, he was another Pak Polisi. It was no police car, but he did show me his badge.. Holy crap!!! what were the chances? He asked for my driver’s licence and pulled me aside to ‘negotiate’.  He was smiling the entire time, knowing he could squeeze a big Hari Raya Angpau out of me. He kept telling me that I was in the wrong and kept stressing the fact that he’s a cop.

Momma, who was riding shot-gun called her close friend who worked nearby. Before the friend arrived, Pak Polisi negotiated and initially wanted a million Rupiahs; a tad too much for a broken signal lamp….. Anyway, momma’s friend arrived, and so did friends of Pak Polisi. They all talked in a corner and Momma’s friend soon walked back to me, passed me back my driver’s licence and told me to sit in the car and wait for his signal. Seconds later, he waved to me to drive off as he continued to negotiate with his new found friends.

TOTAL ON-THE-SPOT-FINE = RP450,000

Witnesses in car: Mom again

Momma’s fren called minutes later and told that matter was settled. The ‘Fine’ could have been a lot less if I was a local, but anyway it was still a massive reduction from the initial million that was demanded.

At the end of the 5 encounters, I vow to be a good driver and follow all traffic rules.

TOTAL DAMAGE=Rp880,000= 20 McD’s Happy Meals or 4 Happy Pak Polisi

jason on parenting… so far..

In the wee hours of March 16, 2010, I welcomed my baby girl, Vanessa into the world. Her timing couldn’t have been better as we had just crossed off the final item on the ‘Preparing for Baby’s Arrival’ – list the weekend before.

It was a tough 6 weeks, but after the gruelling 50 + days, here are some of my notes to bringing up baby:-

FEEDING

We keep a tab of how much milk she consumes, and I have created a few icons to categorize her feeding amounts.

-Camel means occasional feeding (Light)

-Tiger (Normal)

- Python (A lot )

- Shark ( Damn a lot)

-Godzilla (Damn damn a lot)

After tabulating the amount consumed for the day, I usually draw the picture of the animal based on the amount consumed.

Mary and I spent the most of the first 2 weeks in the company of family and close friends. Our baby girl was showered with adorable dresses and gifts aplenty.  Most of the dresses were too big at that time, but as the days go by and as Mary’s breast millk supply in the fridge is exhausted; Vanessa grows steadily to fit into them.

SLEEPING

Being a baby has its perks, all she does is eat and sleep… She usually sleeps for 2 hours, then would demand a feed.. First she gives a pre-warning by making light ‘owl-like’ calls… ‘ooo”, ‘eeee’….. that’s her signal for ‘Feed me’.. Should we fail to attend to her within the next few minutes, she would burst out, waking the entire household.

Throughout her sleep, she makes many funny noises too.. during the first 2 weeks, I never noticed, then week 3 and week 4, we became sensitive to these sounds and realised that its actually no-biggie.. then now I just switch on ‘Auto-ignore’, or until Mary shoves me to attend to Vanessa.

 

DIAPER CHANGE

Our initial plan was to be environment-friendly and use cloth diapers instead of the commercial kind. We aborted the plan even before we began. Cloth diapers meant having to replace them everytime the little one released water or the ‘big one’.

Sorry, mother nature.. we’ll make it up to you in some other way.

For some strange reason, I actually enjoy changing her diapers and I swear that her poop smells like McChicken, in a good way.. (sorry if I made you crave for McChicken).

She tends to release a lot of gas, from both ends of her body, but those coming from her rear is really unbearable. Upon highlighting this to the doctor, she wittingly replied, ‘Find me a fart that smells good like fresh flowers.’

 

CRYING

Babies cry for a handful of reasons, and since they can’t talk, we have to learn to identify their different cries. Reasons include

- I’m hungry.. feed me

-I’m hot… turn on the AC, you cheapo

-I’m very hungry.. feed me

-I’m cold… next time buy me better quality clothes..

-I just pooped, now wipe my @$$ and change my diapers…

and the list goes on

After 6 weeks, I still can’t associate her cries to the list above. I have my own categories of loud, very loud and UNBEARABLY loud.

Just 3 days ago, Mary discovered Harvey Karp, the wonder guru who wrote the book the ”The Happiest Baby on the Block.” His techniques really work and truly amazes me. It includes holding the baby to the side and shaking her, (note that the ‘shaking’ intensity is much lowers than how a bartender  prepares a cocktail). You should view his live demonstrations on Youtube or head out to the nearest bookstore and grab his book.

Sometimes I wish that Vanessa would grow up overnight; to be able to crawl and eat solids, but a whole new set of problems awaits us there… we’ve been warned.

In response to a dear friend’s question about parenthood;  I told her that parenthood is tough, motherhood means having the power to ask daddy to do whatever, and need I say more, fatherhood resembles the famous Nike tagline and Carrefour’s refund policy put together. ‘Just Do it, No Questions Asked?’

jason zzzzzzZZZzzzZzz

somebody call 911..

Ever witnessed a highly organized theft syndicate in action?

Sports cars, jewels, antiques…are just some of the items often found on the top of a theft-syndicate’s wishlist.

Today, I was lucky, or unlucky enough and stumbled upon a syndicate in the midst of an operation. Their target:

Van Gogh painting ……..No

Faberge Egg…….No

Stradivari Violin…No

Ferrari……No

Luxury and valuable items aside, as we move many many rungs down the wishlist, we would come across ‘Food’.  To paraphrase the late American psychologist, Mr. Abraham Maslow; Food is part of one’s physiological needs and is a literal requirement for survival. 

 In a country where poverty is widespread and many parents struggle to put food on the table, I saw a team of girls working like a well-synchronised team and steal from a leading designer bakery. The bakery is small, only about a quarter of a badminton court. I myself wouldn’t have noticed had Mary not told me that the past few times we were there, it was the same group of girls just standing around, separating her from the lip-smacking buns. Curious, I observed them from the outside.

Girl X has a bun on her tray, she is with a friend, Girl Y. After 2 minutes of standing around, they merely pass their bun to Fat-Girl, who has 2 buns on her tray. But wait…. Fat Girl’s is holding another two trays stacked atop one another. Ok, maybe the bread is so good that she needs  a few trays to hold her selection. She also has 3-4 tongs (not the underwear.. that’s spelt ‘THONG’) draped over her fingers.. At this time, Girl X and Girl Y have walked out of the shop and sits on a bench some 20 feet away.  Girl-Aunty walks in and whispers to Fat Girl, as she then exchanges her selection with the other buns. Fat Girl goes on to stack another empty tray underneath (now 4 trays) and drapes another tong over her chubby fingers. At this moment, Girl-Aunty walks out and in comes Ponytail Girl who picks up a tray and a tong. Ponytail Girl holds her tong behind her back and makes a signal, she clips and releases her tongs 5 times, behind her back, as if showing a signal to her posse seated on the bench outside.

Ponytail Girl and Fat Girl then circle the bakery again. As I have mentioned earlier, the bakery is very small and by now, many customers have come and gone. Any normal customer would spend at most 5 minutes in the shop, but our well-oiled team is still inside. They put back their bread and make eye-contact with their team outside, sending some signals by stroking their hair and nodding their heads.

At this time, I was growing more and more curious as to when and how they would make a move. Mary then decided that we check out some new albums at the CD shop. And so we left. Until now, I still do not know whether or not they commited any crime, but THANK YOU FOR READING…

Mary says they’re always there. Having said that,  I’ll definitely revisit the bakery again, and try to catch the finale of their modus-operandi. When I find out, I’ll let you know.. … have a nice weekend.

Super XTRA hot Ramen

The Japanese-food craze infected Indonesians more than 10 years ago, and a decade on, the craze and love for Japanese food still remains. Japanese eateries have been sprouting all over the archipelago; concepts include conveyor-belt-restaurants (e.g. Sushi Tei),  fast food Japanese (Hoka- Hoka Bento) to full fledge Japanese restaurants and even fusion Japanese (Pasta de Waraku).

A crowd favorite is the Gokana Teppan Restaurant. Affordable prices in a comfortable setting. Capitalizing on the Indonesians’ love for everything spicy, the brains behind this restaurant chain recently reintroduced the EXTRA HOT RAMEN.

From the success of its first campaign, which bagged them a Marketing Award, enter ‘HOT RAMEN MANIA- 2′ . There are 4 levels of spicyness – HOT, EXTRA HOT, SUPER HOT and finally for the daring, SUPER EXTRA HOT.  Side dishes include a choice of Chicken Katsu, Beef, Ebi Maki or Tempura.

The restaurant called out to the brave souls; eager to impress their dates or friends to try this dish. Gokana Teppan was offering a free Bento to whoever could finish their Level 4 ( Super Extra Hot) Ramen within 15 minutes.

Both my dad and father-in-law rised to the occasion and accepted the challenge. The waiter warned us it was not for the faint-hearted. Without paying heed to the warning, we ordered and were greeted by the sounds of the beating drums, signifying a new participant of the Super Extra Hot Ramen Challenge.

The noodles were ready within minutes, served steaming-hot drowned in blood-red soup. In order to win, participants had to finish the noodles and gulp down every drop of soup.

Just as the waiter put down the bowls, dads went straight to work, barely stopping to take a sip of the ice-cold beverages.

Dads did us proud as they dried their bowls with minimal effort and having plenty of minutes to spare.

For their efforts and bravery, they were both rewarded with FREE bento vouchers and lots of tissue paper. The outlet manager beat the drums as a sign of congratulating the old folks success. Dads were also honoured with their pictures appearing on the wall of fame.

No casualties were reported that night, as my dads told me it was NO SWEAT (well… not literally).

Blackberry – the non-edible kind

When the  ‘Blackberry’ name surfaced in the early 2000′s, little did I know what it was or what it could do.

Almost 10 years since its introduction, I have moved to a place where the commonfolk can’t live without one. Right in the capital of Indonesia, it is common to see people clicking away on their Blackberries, or BBs as they call it; be it in the elevator, halfway through a meal, during meetings  or even whilst driving (don’t click and drive.. it’s blardy dangerous).  As the saying goes, ‘When in Rome,….,’ and that’s exactly what I did.

After an extensive research lasting 3o minutes, Google’s entries have led me to decide on purchasing the Blackberry 8900. Its always exciting to have a new toy. One of the plus points of this device is that it enables one to chat with other BB users for FREE. Back of my head, I was thinking what’s the big deal, sending emails,  MSN is also free. But it is kinda fun, at least for the first few days.

As I proudly advertised my purchase and PIN  on Twitter, I get a few weirdos and unknowns requesting to add me. It gets creepy when they refuse to identify themselves and pretend that they know you… sheesh.. all this just to hav more BB messenger friends.   

By the way, I bought a Blackberry, PIN is 218262FC.. please add me… =D

To p or not to P.. that is the question.

The sun sets rather early in this part of the world.  By 6pm WIB (West Indonesian Time) most light is lost and it feels like 745pm in KL.  As the sun hands over the baton to the moon, most people shut-down their laptops, clock out and head home, only to be stuck in the ubiquitous Indonesian ‘Macet’ (traffic jams)..  Living less than a kilometre from work, it sometime takes me 30 minutes to get home..but thats another story..

I tend to retire to bed very early due to the lack of non-existent fun-activities; even before dinner has fully digested. As my eyelids shut, my internal organs process my dinner and the liquids gulped down, pre and post dinner.. Often leading to me wanting to pee-pee… Hmm, I often ask myself, ‘ Should I hold it in till morning?’ or interrupt my sleep and get it over with..

If I choose to hold it in, it sometimes takes me an hour or more of twisting and turning before I can reenter dreamland. On the other hand, relieving myself  takes less than 30 seconds, and after that, I can sleep easier and feel free to dream of waterfalls.  

I usually give in and perform the latter. Laundry services may be cheap, but its embarassing to bring in soiled bedsheets for a wash… Plus, I don’t think it is too good to keep it in…

zzzZZZzzzzZZZ

Goodbye 2009, Harlow 2010

As 2009 comes to a close just after Santa Claus yanks Rudolph to pull his sleigh back to the northpole, I can’t help but look back at what has been a turbulent year for me. Here’s a brief recap of my 2009.

”10…9…8…7…6…5…4…3…2…1…Happy New Year”  is usually followed by deafening yet colorful display of fireworks. While most people were out ushering in the new year, I bid farewell to 2008 and welcomed 2009 from my quad-sharing hospital room-window. Days earlier, I suffered a slipped-disk and started the new year with tears,… tears of pain, that is.. I was bed-ridden for 10 days, narrowly missing my brother’s wedding reception and was made to wear a neck-support collar for 3 full months.   Everywhere I went, people turned heads. Even a hot-chick or a brand new Ferrari did not attract that much attention.

After a lengthy recovery process, I couldn’t wait to unfasten the collar, only to find my neck very weirdly out of proportion; no thanks to the collar which suppressed all my neck muscles. Sometimes, I still do not feel I’m looking straight. My friend used to say to another friend that I no longer look them straight in the eye when I talk to them (You know who you are!!, you always make me paranoid)

In preparation to move over to our new place, Mary and I participated in the local flea market at Amcorp mall to get rid of some junk and to raise some moolah for furniture and stuff. We had a great time and great support from friends and family and I always looked forward to setting up shop again the following week.

Come June, Mary and I moved into our new place and enjoyed our privacy.. well, kinda…. The scenario was similar to the opening statement of Ray Barone from the hit-sitcom ‘Everybody Loves Raymond.’..  ‘Hi, I’m Ray,  Jay, I live here in Long Island OUG with my wife and (fur) kids. My parents live across the street behind my house and my brother lives with them…………’ Yeah, that’s right. We live right behind my parents.

The arrival of the new year also had me counting and I just realised that in a span of 3 short years, I have been living in 5 different rooms/ houses across 3 countries.

Moving to my 5th house took place when we packed our bags and moved south to the capital of Indonesia; Jakarta. I became an overnight millionaire (literally), well because 1 ringgit =RP2700, so 1 million Rupiah is only few hundred ringgit…..er… you get my point right?? 

Skeptical at first, Jakarta is not as bad as people perceive it to be. I love the politeness of the people here. Food’s  good too; deepfried most of the time, and better yet, I do not need to find excuses to enjoy Nasi Goreng every meal , every day.

ah- j

This airport ain’t no 7-11

‘TEETEEEETTEEEEETTTEEEETTEEEET…” as one of the 3 alarms that I set went off. I didn’t sleep a wink that night I had an early flight to catch; furthermore was not sure if sleeping for 2 hours would make me feel worse.

Thankfully I had Bejewelled to keep me company, was up all night and set an all-time personal high score along the way, despite ending up with a panda-like facial appearance.

As we arrived at Soekarno Hatta International airport in the wee hours, 230am to be exact, we were greeted by a group of passengers lying on the limited benches outside the airport.

Truly reflecting the title of this entry, the Jakarta airport does not operate 24 hours a day, but at least it does 365 days. There was a man who tumbled off his trolley after he fell asleep on it, bringing the whole trolley crashing down.

It’s common for international travellers to check-in 2 hours before the flight, but the doors only opened at 315am as the passengers doubled. Still plenty of time, as my flight was only lifting off at 500am, the first flight of the day.

The attendant at the check-in counter was so embarrassed as she had to ask the passengers, including myself to manually push our ‘check-in’ luggages down the conveyor belt chute as the belts were not yet operational at such an early hour.

The immigration officers were extremely friendly as they greeted us by our last names. Much to our disappointment, all the restaurants, shops and lounges were not yet open. Went through a total of 4 newspapers that morning and one of the local dailies carried a report that Jakarta airport was the second best in the world (in terms of no flight delays). Sandwiched between two Japanese airports, it still is quite an achievement although flight punctuality is usually influenced by the airline companies. Congratulations anyway, Soekarno-Hatta airport.

We became Starbucks’ first customer of the day and I nearly won a Million dollars on the PC edition of ‘Are you smarter than a 5th Grader?’ Missed it by just one question….. sigh, if only…

Roti: An Indonesian Love affair

Bread has been a staple food of many societies around the world since the ancient times. Over the years, we have seen bakeries mushrooming around our neighbourhoods and commercial squares. Where there’s man, there’s demand for bread..

Indonesians love their bread and the birth of designer-bakeries such as Breadtalk (owned by Johnny Andrean, of J.Co Donuts fame) has successfully carved out a new market and led willing Indonesians to pay a premium for bread.

Bread on the street costs a fraction of those in Breadtalk, yet there are always long queues at the latter’s cashier counters. The creative bakers behind the glass pane have brought life to dull-and-boring bread.

Have you seen their mouth-watering spread?? I salivate upon entering the bakery as my nosebuds are teased by the aroma of the dough baking in the giant ovens.

Most people also wait for nightfall as most bakeries offer massive discounts or ‘Buy 1-free-1′ deals . Large crowds gather circle around the shelves like vultures, and fill up their trays with a gamut of ‘Rotis’. Passers-by like myself are naturally drawn towards the bakery like magnets. (Check out the queue for bread)

The success of Breadtalk has led to many similar-concept bakeries sprouting up in malls the continent over. Designer bakeries and premium bread have been accredited with the revival of the bread business.

Then again, not every designer bakery manages to draw in the crowd like ants to honey. This bakery, altough a few steps away from Breadtalk illustrates just that. Today I learned and realized the importance and the power of branding and brand loyalty.

Waiters who can’t wait

Just as you step up to the menu stand, the waiter ushers you in and seats you in a nice corner; now that is good service.

How about when the waiter hands you the menu and immediately wants to take your order?? Just as your behind touches the cushion of the chair, the ever-attentive waiter hands you the menu, tells you the daily specials and immediately asks, ‘ Can I take your order, sir?’

How would you rate the ‘waiters’ on the comment card? 10 points for immediately ushering us to the table, but I find it plain irritating to eagerly want to take my order before my wife can even put her bag down.

It’s understandable if we were immediately asked that question at a kopitiam. But for a posh restaurant?

Now, I ain’t no regular, but even regulars need some time to browse through the colourful menu and be teased by the lip-smacking photos and description. Moreover, this is a newly opened restaurant.

At least the food was good and they offered a 20% discount. =)

Am still wondering if I should hav left a bigger tip?

kid-j